This week as I began to reflect on the year past, as many of us do in January, I was astonished at how time seemed to slip right through my fingers. This year was such a grand year full of many adventures and mishaps. I tried many new things and was able to spend quality time with my family. Yet I could not seem to grasp why I felt so uncompleted.
Twelve months ago I had so many new commitments and resolutions. None of which I had kept. This year all I have is questions. Questions like; what happened?, and why should I continue to make resolutions when the same story will replay? The story that goes: make a resolution or commitment, fail the first week, fail the second week, give up. Year after year the story loops.
This year, I wanted to get to the root and fix it! My questioning landed on why? Why was this bothering me? Why couldn’t I stay committed? Do you know what my answer was? FEAR. Yes, I let fear keep me from pursuing my goals and dreams. My fear came in many forms, mostly procrastination. I made plenty of excuses. “I have no time.” I would tell myself or “I can do it later”. When the truth was that every time I embarked on any one of my goals (such as starting this blog) my heart would begin to palpitate and my palms would feel clammy.
Internalizing this realization I asked myself where this fear had come? I have observed this past year my intrinsic need for perfection. Not perfection in the way of having things the right way necessarily (even though it is very true for my personality) but the crippling perfectionism that will not allow me to complete an endeavor if I feel that I will fail, be mocked or even . . . . . succeed. There is a whole slew of issues for ya!
I have decided that this is the year I will not make resolutions as the norm suggests. Even so I desperately want to meet my goals and I feel resolutions will get me started. This year, however, I have only one thing in mind, I will learn to . . . . fail. I will start and finish any task that I embark on no matter the results. I have an inclination that once I start this behavior modification (for lack of better words) that goals and resolutions will fall into place.
I invite you to join me on This Grand Adventure this year. Follow me on my projects for which I have many and my personal victories. I look forward to having you read and encourage and it is my deepest longing that you find encouragement through me as well.